The Forgiveness Process Step Three: Removing the Hooks

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi

I was so devastated and deeply hurt! I cried for four months.

The breakup came during Christmas time. I had planned to terminate the relationship after observing numerous signs of his radically changed values. However, I was wounded and suffered because he rejected me first.

At the time, I sat in my pain, distressed and agonizing alone. I didn’t know there was a better way. Eventually, the tears ceased, and I went on with my life without really bringing closure. I also didn’t take time to evaluate the relationship and grow from it. Consequently, I wasn’t prepared for some similar dynamics when the next guy came around.

The process of forgiveness starts with being in a place of safety and then clarifying the offenses. The latter brings understanding of the full range of impacts the offense created in us, each of which is like a hook in our hearts and souls.

Dangers abound for staying in that hurt; sometimes we like rehearsing that large list of wrongs and feel justified in letting them occupy our minds like invading enemy troops. After all, if I don’t forget the betrayal and the damage I bear, somehow that person will pay.

As we have seen, holding all of this brings great defilement to ourselves and keeps us from living a full life with joy and peace. The other person never agonizes over the grief we feel and probably doesn’t even think about it.

We must decide how we want to live; if we have wearied of carrying the stinking burden of another’s bad behavior, we have stepped into hope and the ability to change.

Now, we are ready for Step 3: Removing the hooks with the help of the Lord and a friend

With a trusted friend and the list of the impacts (hooks) of the wrong before you, ask the Lord to guide you for the starting place.
Visualize letting the Spirit pull the first hook out and put it in your hands.
Take it to the foot of the cross where Jesus paid the penalty for all the sin and the pain you have endured.
Confess that the pain of the hook is real (and cry/wail/shout as needed), and it carries a lie from the enemy. Verbalize the lie. (I believe I am worthless because of this.)
Surrender the power of the pain, the lie, and all their consequences. (Lord, this pain is eating me up. The lie sabotages my boldness and competence and has kept me from loving my family and from looking for a better job. I give these all over to you and don’t want them to identify me any longer. Thank you for taking them and cleansing me.
Have some Scriptures on hand to counter the lies which you can pray back to the Lord. Do an online search for “Identity in Christ” verses for a starting place.
Ask the Lord to transform you to the image of Christ and renew your mind with truth (Romans 12:1-2). (Jesus, you have declared me as your precious one. You died for me so I can be clothed in your righteousness. I am a new creation with the mind of Christ. I want to know you more deeply and walk in your life and power and truth. Thank you for your faithfulness to me.
Ask the Lord to heal the hole in your heart left by the hook with His love, mercy and grace.
Spend time basking in His love and healing grace. Celebrate the moment and the victory. Journal about this, or send yourself a voice text so you have a solid reminder.
This piece is accomplished. You may have thoughts to the contrary and temptations to take the hook back into your heart. When these come, stand and fight against them and take them to the cross. (2 Corinthians 10:5); continue to focus on truth.

You will likely find that you don’t need to follow this process with every single item on your list of impacts. In God’s graciousness, He takes the small things in your hands and magnifies the effectiveness of your surrender. You are walking in His purposes as you relinquish the power of darkness in your life and trust in His light and life.

You are deeply loved. You have been created for a glorious purpose in Christ, and His goal is to bring you to that maturity and completion. He will use all the heartache and weave it into a beautiful tapestry. I am so proud of the work you are doing!

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5

If you are starting this process, I would love to pray for you. Email me if you would like.