I could never hurt him enough to make his betrayal stop hurting. And it hurts, in every part of my body.
Veronica Roth
How is it possible to not want revenge when I have been torn apart by another person? Is that even realistic? Nothing in me wants to take that path when my shattered heart is screaming for justice. If I don’t take it in my hands, who will?
Have you ever felt these thoughts invade your body and soul after a devastating betrayal? At times, my pain has been so intense that the temptation for revenge is stronger than reason. Trust me, if that is in my heart, it will seep out in subtle ways if I refuse to “lower myself” to direct action stirred up by my imagination. It may be unkind words, gossip, revealing that person’s weakness in a gathering, sarcasm, avoiding contact, subterfuge, having a spending spree with his/her money, or a host of other things which display my contempt.
These indirect attacks create several problems: they may never feel like enough; they spark more retribution from the other person; they consume me; they often hurt others in collateral damage; and they leave me guilty of my own sins and offenses.
Recovery from intense offenses is not easy, and forgiveness is often the last thing we want to do. Until we realize that holding on and letting the wrong stew in our hearts (or taking direct and indirect actions) is mainly hurting us, there is some internal payout we believe we accomplish. In reality, the other person may not give the deed a second thought unless we bring it back on his radar.
Releasing the desire for revenge happens only after the other steps in the forgiveness process have been addressed: safety for the victim, clarifying the offenses, removing the hooks, dealing with our own sinful responses, and rebuilding trust with others and God.
If you are working through this process (and it takes large amounts of time and energy),you can test yourself to see if you are ready for this step. Sit quietly and ask the Lord to show you what is going on in your heart. What are your feelings and attitudes toward the abuser?
- Are you still envisioning the same degree of revenge?
- Are you able to talk to the Lord and another person about your feelings and thoughts?
- If the degree is lessened, praise him for His work in your heart and continue to surrender the motives for retribution.
- If it hasn’t changed, thank God for bringing you freedom from the hooks so far and for His promises to bring you to maturity, wholeness and perfection in Jesus.
- Tell Him you are willing to be willing to let go of the desire for revenge.
- If you can’t pray that, confess your unwillingness and ask for His mercy and protection as you continue the process.
- Remember that you are not judged by God if you are not ready yet.
- Come back to this after working through a few more hooks or some of the earlier steps.
- Refresh your mind with the vision of the freedom, joy and peace that you want for yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to draw you into rest in the Lord’s provision for you and perfect justice for the offender.
I have learned that God is the only one who can deal with sin exactly as it deserves and He alone can bring healing to my suffering that will far exceed my thoughts and imaginings. When I trust Him to act as the true judge and my redeemer, I have the courage and confidence to surrender each thought of vengeance and payback and receive His grace for my heart.
Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.
Romans 12:19
How have you experienced the gift of release from the desire for revenge?
(c) 2020 Holly Craw
Designed to Draw Near 