How to have a relationship with God: 5 Key Steps

Nurturing a deep relationship

Who is the person you love or admire the most? Perhaps it is a relative or someone who is accomplished in an area of your interests or passions. Maybe it is an individual you have never met, or one no longer living.

Imagine that a friend gives you the opportunity to spend as much time as you want talking with this wonderful VIP. The time is guaranteed to be mutually enjoyable and all topics and opinions are open for exploration. Your friend even has a pack of letters addressed to you from your special person. You can start communicating back as soon as you are ready.

How will you prepare for such a monumental encounter? Will you read through the letters searching for all the answers to your questions? Do you wonder how the conversation will go and what topics are most important? Is there a longing to spend time reciprocally sharing who you are without an agenda?

Relating to God

If this meeting is to be with God, the Creator of the Universe, or Jesus Christ His Son, would that change your idea of how to develop a relationship? “Why, certainly! It is not the same and I can’t even see or touch Him,” you may respond. “I don’t even know if He wants to spend time with me.”

The truth is, God and Jesus both want very much to have a deep relationship with you. We have a book of love letters, the Bible, which declares over and over how beloved you are and how many wonderful gifts God has waiting for you.

A divine relationship follows the same patterns as one with a human friend you desire to know deeply: communication of who you are; vulnerability through trust; listening with humility; personal growth, and mutual enjoyment.

1. Communication

Our God is known by His speaking. The Scriptures begin and end with our Lord’s words–first in creation when a fabulous world was designed primarily as a backdrop for God and His relationship with humans. The ending expression is Jesus’ promise that He is coming soon for His people and to set the world right again. (Revelation 22:20) All the way through, He invites us to know Him, learn from Him, and live in the way He designed life to work best.

God expresses His everlasting love for us in numerous word pictures and yearns for us to receive the transformative power of that compassion and to respond to Him in kind. The Bible encourages telling the Lord everything that is happening in our lives and trusting Him to understand and take appropriate action. Whether life has dumped hard things in your path or you are rejoicing over blessings, Scriptures abound with examples of pouring the heart out to God. (Psalm 37:5, 62:8, 111:1; Proverbs 3:5, 16:3; Jeremiah 32:3; 1 Peter 5:7)

2. Vulnerability through trust

Did you know that God shares His secrets with His beloved ones? It’s true! He longs for us to know His deepest plans and to be participants in His eternal purposes. (Isaiah 48:6; Jeremiah 33:3; Daniel 2:28-29, 47; 1 Corinthians 4:1, 5, 13:2; Philippians 1:9; Ephesians 3:9)

How can we respond when the Almighty shares so deeply of His thoughts? Does that open our hearts to offer Him the depth of ourselves–fears, struggles, dreams, hopes, disappointments, and longings? Part of building relationship includes entrusting another with things we have hidden from others and perhaps ourselves.

The best part about sharing with God is that He is able to address those secrets with exactly what we need–comfort, forgiveness, empowerment, and fulfillment of the deep things He has put in our spirits. (Psalm 25:14, 51:6; Matthew 6:6; Mark 4:22)

3. Listening with humility

Do you ever have a conversation with someone that is one-sided and one person is left without space to speak? When I do all the talking, I feel kind of empty at the end and have not gained any substance from the other person. On the other end, I am disappointed, frustrated, or sad when I have been unable to share my inner self.

A strong friendship requires that both parties are willing to hear what the other has to say and have a dialog together about the topics presented. This means allowing the other to speak while listening with humility to fully enter into the words and meanings.

Whether the focus is about the other or feedback is given about yourself, seek understanding of what is said rather than reacting, dismissing it, or taking control of the discussion. Ask questions to clarify what is meant, respect the other’s point of view, and give consideration to nuggets of truth which are included. Seek wisdom in your response. (Psalm 4:3, 34:17; Proverbs 8:13; Matthew 7:24, 26; Mark 7:14; Luke 8:18; John 16:13; 1 John 5:14; James 1:19)

4. Personal growth

A good comradeship promotes personal growth. We allow ourselves to change for the better through the words of a true friend as we take in new thoughts and perspectives. We can bring out the best in ourselves and each other with exhortations of truth, and we encourage commitment to actions of grace and honor when we challenge ways that contradict our values and beliefs.

Yes, even God is willing for us to wrestle with Him. Abraham, Job, Jacob, Moses, David, and several of the prophets protested in light of God’s actions or plan which would bring harm to others. Jesus even prayed three times to be relieved of His duty to die on the cross. Sometimes, God relented or reduced the severity of the measures. Always, the person praying grew in understanding of God and His ways. The Lord is committed to using all circumstances as opportunities for our transformation into the image of Christ. (John 16:13; Romans 8:29, 12:2; Ephesians 4:15, 29; 1 Peter 2:2; 2 Peter 3:18)

5. Mutual enjoyment

I have several friends and family who delight my world and energize my soul! Some cause me to laugh or enjoy deep spiritual conversations. Others introduce me to new experiences, challenge me to think outside of my boxes, or have a gift for bringing the best encouragement or comfort when needed. In turn, I feel that my contribution to the relationships is dynamic, valuable and relevant to their needs, well-being and personal growth.

There is a deep satisfaction in knowing that each party looks forward to the time together, and even greater blessing in the sweet anticipation of the next encounter.

It is no different in our kinship with Jesus. He delights in being with us and His presence stirs up great joy in us! There are numerous passages validating this truth and it is hard to pick only a few, so I will plan to do another post on this topic. (Psalm 84:2, 10, 90:14, 92:4, 105:43; Jeremiah 15:16; Zephaniah 3:17; Luke 15:17; Hebrews 12:2; 1 Peter 1:8)